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Authentic Communication Groups often go through many stages of development that support inclusion, trust and intimacy.

When you join any group, it’s not uncommon for three forms of anxiety to show up:

1. Acceptance Anxiety: Do I belong? Are these my people? Will I be accepted as part of the group? If I express myself authentically, will I be received? Will I be able to connect across differences of race, gender, sexuality, age, and experience? Can I participate fully without losing my individuality?
2. Orientation Anxiety: What’s going on here? Do I understand why we are here and what we are doing together? Do we share similar goals and desires? Does the facilitator know how to lead this group? Do I understand the group norms?  Am I going to get what I came for? Is this interactive style of learning going to work for me?
3. Performance Anxiety: Will the group value my participation? Will I be able to contribute? Are my skills, knowledge & experience enough? Am I more or less competent than other members of the group? How do I take responsibility for making this a great learning community? How do I ask for and give support? Do we have what it takes to make this a high-functioning group?

During the early stage, members check each other out and determine whether the group is a good fit. Before stepping into trust and vulnerability, many will test the waters to see if the group is competent and caring. Some folks are wondering if the group members can provide a brave space where they can bare their souls and be held with compassion. While some people start cautiously by sitting back and observing and then take small risks to enter the group, others jump right in and open their hearts. Each person chooses their own pace, understanding that the more they give, the more they get.

Although part of you might feel a bit anxious during the first session, other parts can feel excited, curious, or courageous. If you’re not sure what to say, you can begin by sharing how you feel about being in the group.

When you’re ready, you can share why you joined the group, what challenges you face and what you hope to learn. When someone shares vulnerably, if you receive value or are touched, it can be helpful to let the speaker know.

“In this environment where there is a commitment to authenticity and transparency, I feel safe and open to curiosity, exploration and learning.”

Modalities

Two modalities can be particularly helpful in the group, Internal Family Systems and Nonviolent Communication.

Internal Family Systems (Richard Schwartz):

Our psyches are made up of different parts, sometimes called subpersonalities or inner voices. Each part has its own perspective, feelings, needs, memories, and goals. For example, one part of you might have an intense desire to share something vulnerable while another part is terrified to speak up. We all have parts like the inner critic, the wounded child, the people pleaser, the fierce controller, and the loving peacemaker.

Most group members find it useful to speak for their parts in the group. For example, you might say, “A part of me wants to share something very painful because I want understanding. Another part of me is terrified because it’s afraid I won’t belong.” Understanding your parts helps build connection to Self.

The goal of IFS is to help us recognize our spiritual center, or Self, which is grounded in calm, connection, compassion, creativity, clarity, curiosity, confidence and courage. We all have two basic types of parts—protectors who want to keep us safe from feeling underlying pain, and exiles or wounded parts that experience pain and shame. We can learn to speak from Self energy, by developing an empathic relationship with each of our parts, and helping our wounded parts to heal.

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